E-mail Etiquette and Eu De Toilette

You can probably relate to getting the annoying “reply all” e-mail from co-workers (unless you are the one who hits the reply all button.) You just want one answer from one person and all of a sudden everyone is hitting the reply all button.

One time at work there was a spam e-mail sent out to a distribution list of over a hundred people. I think it was a portion of text from Anna Karenina or some other literati nonsense that you would think publishing people would actually embrace instead of sending to quarantine in a spam mail box. Somehow the quarantine did not catch this one.

Next thing you know there was a reply all, “Please take my name off this list.” Then more reply-all e-mails follow with the same remove from list plea.

Then, of course, people became irate. Now, they replied “STOP SENDING REPLY ALL E-MAILS ABOUT NOT WANTING TO BE ON THE LIST. BY DOING THIS YOU ARE CREATING MORE SPAM FOR ME.” (The all caps means they are yelling, yelling! So angry that they must express it with capitals and again sending it to everyone just to ensure no more reply alls come in.)

However, this makes the reply-all people feel ashamed. (Insert sad emoticon here.) “Sorry, I didn’t mean to reply all” e-mails start pouring in to everyone. My typical 50 e-mails a day doubled in size. I became irate.

I started e-mailing (while only hitting the reply button because I understand these things) to the individuals responsible for the backlash. “Please do not hit reply all or send out any more e-mails. No one wants to be on this spam list but you are making it worse. Also, please do not even reply to this e-mail” I tell them.

And what do they do? They reply to my e-mail, apologizing. (Insert even sadder emoticon here.) This brings about another problem. The instant gratification of e-mails causes this other problem, where often the recipient doesn’t even read the whole thing and never makes it to the bottom.

Thus, my advice in writing a professional e-mail, cut the small talk “Hope all is well,” etc. and put the most important information at the top.

Perhaps people need to get in touch with Outlook's "unsend" application. Or Outlook needs to create some sort of warning system for those who want to press reply all like how Google created a function called E-mail Goggles against drunk e-mailing. If you want to g-mail late at night to who knows (probably an ex or a boss), this function makes you pass a quiz (such as completing multiplication problems within a given amount of seconds) to make sure you are sober enough.

It is also important to educate yourself on e-mail distribution lists. Know who is on the list before you send out a mass e-mail.

Like one time this guy Rick something or other (yeah, I have no idea who you are) sent an e-mail saying he’d be out on vacation on Friday. Did I need to know this just in case Friday was the day I was supposed to meet Rick for the first time and start working on a gigantic project that crosses two departments that have never heard of

each other? And thank you Rick for rubbing in the part about vacation.

Have you ever been on an e-mail distribution list that didn’t seem to apply to you at all? I received a mass e-mail from a manager, balding around the rim but still maintaining a long ponytail and hippy-like natural scent. Actually, it was from his secretary, oops I mean administrative assistant. (Insert angry emoticon here.)

The e-mail was about not wearing perfume in the office because that might offend people in the olfactory sense. Well, this guy clearly wasn’t thinking of the eu de toilette of natural BO that he sent out to the rest of the office. Nor did he consider that perhaps he is offensive with his pony tail or his tacky e-mail or his directing this to women only with “perfume” instead of cologne or deodorant that makes me think he is somewhat sexist or just insensitive?

Or maybe he is directing this to one person, and I should have placed him in the blog post about the passive-aggressive employee. And in fact the rest of us knew that he was most likely directing this to his own secretary administrative assistant.

So friends, be cognizant of proper e-mail etiquette in the professional realm. It is proper to reply to e-mails within 24 hours of receiving one (I didn’t mention this before but it is essential.) Check out your distribution lists before hitting send. And just remember not to hit reply all when the e-mail doesn’t really apply to all.